When Silence Hurts: Helping Children Speak About Bullying

I still remember how quickly safety vanished.

As a prefect, I was meant to uphold the rules. But there was a group of girls who seemed to take pleasure in testing me. They broke rules right in front of me, smirking, daring me to act. They warned me: If you report us, we’ll make you pay.

One afternoon, after school had emptied, they cornered me.

The first slap came fast, then fingers yanked at my hair. My glasses slid off, and in that blur of fear the world went hazy. I bent down to grab them, heart hammering, convinced they might actually kill me.

When I put them back on, the girls were already running. Behind them, my discipline headmaster was walking toward me. He paused, looked at me, and asked softly, “Are you okay?”

And I said yes.

But I wasn’t.

On the bus ride home, hot tears rolled down my face. I sat alone, staring out the window, trying to disappear. I felt humiliated, ashamed, and as if I had lost all respect for myself. In the days that followed, I felt small — smaller than I had ever felt. The threats echoed in my head. I avoided their eyes in the corridors, moving quickly, trying to make myself invisible.

The next week, I asked to give up being a prefect, saying I needed more time to study. In truth, I just needed to feel safe again. I stayed in the role until the year ended, but I kept out of the girls’ way.

And I never told anyone. Not my parents, not my friends. Not a single person.

This — writing here, now — is the first time I have ever told this story.

Why did I stay silent? Was it shame? Was it fear? Was it the belief that no one would understand — or worse, that they wouldn’t care?

That silence became the heaviest part of the whole experience. And it is the silence I want us, as adults, to help our children break.

Why children don’t speak up about bullying

Research and counselling practice both show that children often remain silent about bullying because:

Fear of retaliation: They believe speaking up will make the bullying worse.

Shame and humiliation: They internalise blame, thinking something must be wrong with me.

Distrust of adult responses: Some children worry adults will do nothing. Others worry adults will do too much—shining a light on the situation in ways that make them feel exposed. They fear parents or teachers might make a big scene, confront the bullies openly, or call out names in front of the class. What feels like protection to us can feel like embarrassment and loss of control to them.

Desire to protect parents: Some children stay quiet because they don’t want to “worry” their parents, especially if they sense their parents are already under stress.

For many children, silence feels safer than telling the truth.

What parents and caregivers can do:

1. Notice the quiet signals

Bullying doesn’t always leave bruises. Look for:

Sudden reluctance to go to school.

Withdrawal from friends or activities.

Hiding phones or deleting accounts.

Saying “I’m fine” too quickly, too often.

2. Create safe conversations

When children do open up, how we respond matters more than what we say.

Stay calm — your regulated tone helps them feel safe.

Validate: “That sounds scary. Thank you for trusting me.”

Assure collaboration: “I won’t act without telling you first.”

Offer choices: journaling, talking to a teacher together, saving evidence.

3. Shift our own instincts

From fixing to listening: Children need presence before solutions.

From “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” to “Thank you for telling me now.”

From minimising (“It’s just a joke”) to recognising the deeper impact.

4. Take concrete steps

Document incidents (dates, screenshots, behaviours).

Approach the form teacher, Department Head or Principal with a clear request for a safety plan.

Teach digital safety: mute, block, report, don’t retaliate.

Escalate if there are threats of violence or self-harm — involve the school and professional help immediately.

What children need most is not perfect parents, but available ones. Adults who slow down, who ask twice, who notice when “I’m fine” doesn’t sound fine.

If you’re a parent, perhaps tonight ask your child gently:

“Is there anything at school that makes you feel small or unsafe?”

And then listen. Truly listen.

Because the silence of children is heavy. And when we make it safe for them to speak, we lift that weight.

💙 If your child is struggling, remind them they are not alone. Support is here. Help is here. And they are worth being heard. 💙

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